I don’t want to talk
about politics, about how they
move money around like toys
kicked across the floor, back and forth
I don’t want to listen
about what’s happening beyond
your five windows and single door
cases confirmed in our county now
and what does that mean for us, on the ambulance
what do I want, you ask—is it so difficult
to see? That I only want to hear
your voice decorating me with words
I haven’t heard in months, it seems
how you love me so, can’t live without
my kisses peppered upon your brow
it’s been ages since you pushed
your tongue down my throat
since I laughed against your flesh
since I choked on contentment; now you pretend
I’m not sobbing in the bathroom
hiding under the sound of running
water. That semi-colon on my finger
well, if I press the point just so,
it punctures skin, a drop of crimson
and I stick it in my mouth to taste
something more than my own tears
I never told you the conversation I had
with my sister over dinner. We plunged
tortilla chips into rice & beans, my sister
dribbling another complaint about her boyfriend
how he’s too traditional and can’t comprehend
pro-choice, body piercings, tattoos and I—
I remarked how you are just the same
she said, biting down on a chip
(crunch)
‘I swear, if we ever break up,
(crunch)
I’m going to be a lesbian’
my reply was swift and easy; it was thoughtless:
‘I just haven’t found the right woman yet’
and I wonder, sometimes, if that’s true?
are you just my placeholder?
in the face of our silence,
the mornings, afternoons, evenings that pass
without a glance, without your hands
gripping my hips, pushing past bands of elastic
it is hard to know
No
it is hard to know
what I’m waiting for,
the beam of your smile
or the courage to walk
through your single door
Just Thoughts 