right now, she’s probably home alone
making laps around the house
room to room, betta to betta
talking to fish, to herself
.
but if she loved me,
I’d listen
to her detail the lives of her fishes,
each, confusingly, named after breakfast food
her excitement would be contagious as yawns
and I’d get lost in the flush of her cheeks,
the way she smiles without showing her teeth
if she loved me,
I’d brew her black coffee in the morning
and in the evenings,
I’d hold her close on the couch
while we watch Pixar movies
when she’s working the night shift,
I’d keep the bed warm for her early-morning return
and I wouldn’t let her shower alone
because she once said she’s done that enough already
I’d brush a bar of soap across her back
when her wrists are hurting
admire the way water droplets collect on her skin
.
I’d cherish her poems and love letters,
each line distilled from her heart strings
and if she whispered in my ear
how she’s wearing lace just for me,
I wouldn’t set her aside
because I know how difficult it is for her
to be vulnerable
and if she were too sad to speak,
I’d press her head against my bare chest
because she likes the texture of my hair
and I’d show her pictures of baby plecos
until she feels better
.
I’d memorize the pattern of moles
sprinkled across her hands
and I’d never bruise her arms
at night, our limbs would intertwine,
our pulses synchronized and steady
her soft breath tickling my ear
and I would drift off, thinking
about how I would do anything
to keep her near
in the morning, when her eyelids flutter open
I wouldn’t stop kissing her
until she pulled away, grinning, to breathe
.
if she loved me,
I wouldn’t hesitate
to show her
I am her best friend
her lover
her partner
if she loved me,
I wouldn’t hesitate
to cherish her
Just Thoughts 