F_ll_ng _n L_v_

I got drunk on the Thornapple River

with friends and colleagues

she asked if I was okay

so I leaned sideways and dunked my face

in the riverbed, I glimpsed his delicate eyes

through murky darkness, two glowing lights

with the force of his lips, he pushed me upright

I breathed the summer air but

his visage was more refreshing than oxygen or river water

again, I went under

.

with a fishing net, I caught the sun

dragged it from the sky, a stolen star

it fought hard, lashing, hissing, whipping

in the struggle, its tendril branded my right breast

an L for love or loss, I can never tell them apart

.

I wipe his eyelashes aside and make

wishes that he’ll stay

though every night, I am the one walking away

we save lives together and know

how much dying doesn’t matter

we’ve seen the truth

snapped necks & broken chests

puddles of blood enough to flood

a familiar car speckled with bumper stickers

we’ve seen the truth

.

an egg fell out from between my legs

with a shattered shell, a yolk that ran away

another soul the jaws of life couldn’t save

he took me in his arms all the same

wrapped in him

my heart fills with helium

sometimes, bodies don’t behave

.

a bird smothered itself in my windshield

the impression it left resembled his face

I drove home that night with his eyes

beaming me from the passenger side, terrified

his heart in my head, I haven’t been able to think right

.

in two days, I’ll love him

in three months, I’ll live inside him

with Thai food, darting looks, dramatic tunes,

a smile that strikes me blind

“yes,” he’ll sing, “you are mine”

the siren that dragged me under

no hope that I’ll recover

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